I Like Vineyard Place Better

I'm at Joy's helping to toilet train Oliver and so far so good. Jerry called last night to say that Esther told him she wants to go back to Vineyard Place. (Yaaaaay!!)She is "tired". Last week I went to her house one day, took her out and we ended up at Safeway and she really wanted me to leave her there and let her walk home. I followed her very sneakily in my car, going around the blocks. How she did not kill herself, literally running helter-skelter across the busier street I don't know. She also staggered more than she walked (eyesight?), looked more worried about figureing out where she was than enjoying the walk. The final straw for her, we think, was that her doctor called and said that her bone scan showed severe osteoporosis. Luckily Jerry answered that call, I listened in. Jerry was the one to tell her about it, too. Her doctor gave her strict instructions about how to avoid a break--like not running,stay on the pavement, be careful.(The fractured pelvis from last July is not forgotten, it was a long, painful recovery.) Well, she readily told Jerry that she had done all the things she wasn't supposed to just the day before. She knows full well that she can't trust herself to not try to "go a different way" or "take a shortcut". She get's so frustrated with herself, and I think she had a lot more peace at Vineyard Place. I know she thrived there, inspite of her constant dissatisfaction with life in general. That follows wherever she goes. So, here's to Esther for knowing she needs to take care of herself!

Mexican Radio

The other day Esther and I went to Goodwill to look for a cassette/radio player. She chose one and we plugged it in-- it seemed to work fine. The radio tuner was an actual dial that went around, something she was very familiar with. In the store it got the stations just fine.

She called me later that day and said, "Keep the reciept for this radio. Whoever had it before must have been mexican because all I can get are mexican stations."

(No it does not have any preset buttons, only the dial.)

She also called me twice that day to thank me for taking such good care of her.
She made me smile each time.

Why Am I Here?

I took Esther to the doctor for an eye checkup a couple of weeks ago and she asked me 3 times on the way, "Where are we going?" "To the eye doctor.", I said. As we walked down the hallway in the doctor's office she turned to me and said, "Where are we?" "The eye doctor's office." "Why are we here? To have your glaucoma checked again."

A couple of days ago Esther called and talked to me for a long time. One of the things she said was, "When I was in my old place I felt just fine. Since you've been taking care of me it's been one thing after another." Hello.

Moving or Staying?

In the past few weeks Esther has called her old landlord two times to say she'd like to move there. Then she changes her mind and decides she wants to stay where she is. We have been through this cycle two times in 4 weeks and I'm sure it will continue because being Swertfeger means you need to occupy your time evaluating things and making decisions. If you don't have much going on in your life, or your abilities are limited you still can spend time thinking, evaluating and deciding. Since there is nothing truly pressing to make decisions about you make them about things that are already decided or should come naturally without having to think abou them. Things like, should I carry my little bag in my left hand or my right? That takes some time to decide. Should I sit in the back seat or the front? More time to decide. Should I place the bag on the floor or the seat? There is a lot of time to spend on these things. Deciding where you are going to live is a big decision. Esther doesn't really want to move. She just wants something to occupy her mind, as she has always done. Dream and scheme and at the last minute, change your mind. It's free and entertaining. I can picture this girl in the Ozarks dreaming and planning for her future. I am happy that Esther has said many times in the past year that she feels that she has lived a good, trouble-free life. She didn't use the word, but she feels that she has been blessed in life while others have had it much harder.

Some times when you don't feel good you feel like a tomato that has a crack in it . That happens all the time with me. And I bet it has happened to you . Sometimes you feel like a tomato that expanded to your size. You also can feel fat.

- Posted by Zoë (most likely)