Sesame Street - Swertfeger Style!

One upon a time Brandon and Joy got their hands on a tape recorder...

http://www.swertfeger.com/just4fun/sesame_street.html

Getting Ready for Surgery

Today Esther and I went to get her lab work done prior to her surgery next week. She had an EKG and was very cooperative, nice and coherent. I stayed in the room with her while she had it. Then we went to the lab and I could only sit just outside the door while she went and got her blood drawn. The fellow that was drawing her blood was talking to her and then I heard him say, "Please don't do that." And later, "I wish you wouldn't do that. Just relax." I guess she got the idea she needed to squeeze her hand into a fist really hard as he was doing the draw. Then he is trying to chat her up, get her to talk about something else like, "What did you do for a living?" She took awhile to get around to the point that she was a teacher. She said she was an English teacher. Then she corrected his english. He was sweet to her about it. Then she said, "Could I have some of those bandaids? I don't have even one." (Not true, but she might have thought so.) He gave her 6, it was better than a sucker for being good (well, not so good). Next Thursday, October 15th is her surgery. It should go well.

Thieves Everywhere

Esther has been calling me regularly to report things missing from her place. "Someone has stolen my . . . . ". That started back when she was still in her duplex in Gladstone. What keeps disappearing is her alcohol--not the rubbing kind. I asked her what the chances were that she'd have the same problem in both places--that her alcohol would keep disappearing? She didn't have an answer for that. Right now it's her sunglasses, her wine (a whole gallon bottle), her purse, her wallet--today it was the cheese I brought over for her yesterday. Amazingly everything turns up--except for all the alcohol. I did notice that by the count of empty and full jugs of wine in her apartment I saw this week--the lost gallon was found, or at least the empty one was. The part that stymies is the fact that Jerry looked high and low through the apartment and did not find it over a week ago. Maybe outside in the bushes? To keep someone from seeing that she had it? Who knows. Tonight she was absolutely disgusted with herself because she couldn't find her wallet again. It is in her purse, I saw her put it in there right before she got out of the car tonight at 5 p.m. when I dropped her off. It's hard to not remember and to be confused and know that something is not right. Esther likes to come to a conclusion or a solution to the puzzle, such as being sure that her ex-landlord was coming into the duplex at night and drinking the vodka and eating her food. He lived on the other side of Portland, and never came over there, even when somehting needed fixing, but she is convinced of the solution she came up with. Now she knows that everything that was "stolen" this past week turned up right there in her apartment right where she had left it. Sobering and frustrating.

Tomorrow we call to schedule her appointment for surgery. Hopefully it will be soon so she can be healing well by her birthday in October.

Pelvis is Healing, But Now For the Cancer

Originally posted Aug. 23, 2009

Esther's fracture is healing and after more than a month since her fall, she is walking slowly with a cane. Now she has seen more doctors and had more tests than she was willing to have in her whole life. We have seen 4 doctors, had 2 different scopes, one Ultrasound, one CAT scan and one X-Ray. There is another Ultrasound next Friday. She seriously has only been in the hospital twice--once to deliver her first son. She accidentally had her second son at home. The second was when she fell three years ago while walking and factured her arm and passed out on the bus stop. They took her to the closest hospital and she went home a few hours later. She has gone annually to health fairs for free blood work and blood pressure screenings. Then in the past few years she has seen one PA annually for monitoring of blood pressure and cholesterol--but never took her BP medication. She didn't belive in paying to go to the doctor or taking pills. When we went to the first doctor to find out what happend to her hip when she fell last month, afterwards she said, "That's all the poking I'm going to let them do. No more." Well, when you refuse to have your colonoscopy at 50 as reccomended, or to have your eyes screened for glaucoma or any other preventative test or screening, you put yourself at risk for advanced stage cancers and other diseases. Please take a lesson from this and go for your screenings. Getting inconvenienced by lowering your shorts and exposing your private places, or by being a little uncomfortable is nothing compared to the pain and problems that can occur later. If you just don't want to know, it won't change the fact that what is going to happen in your body will happen. Don't we really want to know early so we can take care of it? The things that can't be found early, well at least you are in tune with your body and tried.

She first told her surgeon that she thinks that she would rather do nothing, then she flipped to the opposite and said she wanted it done now. When she told him she'd rather do nothing he told her what would happen to her. He also said that people decide to do nothing and just end it, but then when it gets bad they change their mind and want to do something and then it really is too late. I could see that easily being the case here if we let it happen, which we won't. Now Esther is keen to have the tumor out. First she will have an Ultrasound of the Rectum, then a Colonoscopy to make sure there is nothing else in there. If it's all clean, then they will see if she's a good candidate for radiation to shrink the tumor and then they will operate. She thinks they should just operate today.

She has been very appreciative of help from us and it makes her calmer to have a clear head around to help her sort things out.

She has always been such a force to be reckoned with, and downright offensive, and guess what? She still is, but along with it now is this vulnerability, neediness and weakness which has made her contemplative and softer. The other day she was lying on her sofa and asked me if I believed in guardian angels. Of course, I do. I know they are there. She said she does, too, because she was walking in Clackamas once trying to cross the highway and saw a car coming for her, then she was suddenly on the other side right where she needed to be, in an instant, and had no idea how she got there. She said she has had one other experience like that (she didn't elaborate). She said she believes in angels. I've also heard her say, just last week, that she was "agnostic". Now, she's rethinking everything. Funny how that works isn't it? Some people deny what truth they already know, deep inside, until they are ready to let go and face leaving this life. This week she has been saying alot of, "This is the last time I will . . .", but she was referring to things she didn't like--such as going downtown to see the doctor. After she'd said it about the 4th time in one afternoon I said to her, "You'd better stop saying that, you might make it come true. . .this could be your last time." Well, she laughed at that, thankfully, and it made her stop staying it.

Now for the classic denial of what you have been doing. Long story short: when you have bowel troubles and bleeding that you can see, laxatives are not the answer. When I discovered them, we started making sure she ate properly, took them out of the house (they were stashed everywhere, even in an Altoid tin on the back of the stove), and things got better right away. Well, she called a few days in a row asking were they were, "Just in case I need them", which she didn't. We went to the Colo-Rectal Surgeon this week and when he asked her how long she had had a problem she didn't answer (as always) and I mentioned the laxatives. She said, "I haven't taken a laxative in a year." He smiled, and started writing. Then he went on asking other questions and she had difficulty giving a straight answer and in the middle of it all she turned to me and in a stage whisper said, "I haven't taken a laxative in over a year." More smiling by the doctor. THE QUEEN OF DENIAL. It doesn't change the consequences or outcome.

Get your screenings, take care of yourself--I'm going to follow this advice, too.

Nothing to See

Aunt Alice has the most unique perspective on things. Having lived on the same property in Missouri her entire life she's a little partial to her home and keeping her things around her.

During an extended visit I talked with her about all the places she'd ever been. She talked about how my Grandpa and Grandma had convinced her to go on these trips with them even though she didn't really want to go anywhere.

When asked how she liked visiting places like West Point Military Academy or Canada her response was always the same... "Yeah, I went there. Nothing to see, might as well have stayed home."

Esther Fractured Her Pelvis

Last week Esther fell in her front yard and fractured her pelvis. She is feisty, and with a walker is managing well enough. When we went to the hospital for the x-ray the receptionist said that she had been seen at the hospital in 2006. She was very perplexed about that. "When was I ever here?" I reminded her that she had taken a walk on a Sunday and decided to take a shortcut by the bowling alley. She was heading to Rite Aid to get some beer. Since she can't see very well, the shortcut turned out to be a bad idea, because she forgot THAT the Clackamas River was there and she fell down the embankment a little, breaking her left arm. She was 85 at that time. So she picked herself up and climbed up the embankment. A couple of young men asked her if she was okay and offered help, but she declined, of course, saying she was "Just fine.". She finished her walk, figuring that she needed the beer even more, because her arm was killing her. She managed to get into the store and buy herself a 6 pack. Then she realized she was in too much pain to walk the mile plus back home and decided to wait on the bus stop so she could catch a ride home. She had her beer in a paper bag and opened one, keeping it in the bag, and started drinking it to ease the pain. That's the last thing she remembered. She evidently passed out on the bus stop, someone there saw her and called 911. They picked her up and took her to the hospital, and you can guess the rest of the story. We were sitting in church and Jerry had his pager on. It went off and he called to see who it was. It was the police calling about the whole incident. He went over to the hospital and stayed there until they released her later that day. She did pretty well for someone of that age, with only one arm, and was able to fend for herself, with a little help from us, her neighbors, and friends from the senior center. One can only guess what the people who found her thought, since she dresses like a homeless person all the time. We were grateful to them. So now, she is on the mend again and has to use a walker for the first time in her life.. She is being a trooper.

A Red Coat

Today I picked up Esther and her friend, Leona. They are both legally blind, but Leona wears special glasses and can see better than Esther can. They still can't see much. Esther called me a couple of time the past two days to make arrangements for today-- that I was to pick them up on the corner of Dartmouth and Portland Avenue in Gladstone at 9:20 a.m., I would take them to Esther's eye appointment and then to a nursing home to visit their friend and then to Gillman Park an assisted living facility for a free lunch and tour. When I arrived at the appointed corner to pick them up they told me that they had both been standing on corners on the opposite sides of the street and waiting. They each thought the other was not coming because they waited "so long", but they just couldn't see each other. Esther said, "And I wore this red coat just so you would see me." The red coat was actually a very long, bright orange robe. I didn't want to embarrass Esther by pointing that out. So we went to the eye doctor in the orange robe. Fortunately she got warm and took it off in the waiting room. ( She had a sweater on underneath as well as a turtleneck shirt. ) She left it in the car after that. Thankfully.

IDA!!!

Last year Esther wanted to see her neighbor. The woman next door uses a walker and a motorized chair to get around. Esther got very worked up about wanting to get in and see her. Ida called me later to complain because she was just out of the shower and heard Esther calling her name over and over, very loudly. She threw something on and slowly made her way out to find that Esther had tried to push herself into her apartment, even though the chain was on the door. She had gotten herself wedged in the door with one half of her body inside the apartment and one side out. "Help, I'm stuck."

Greyhound Rider

I have always been amazed by Grandma's desire to travel. She would get greyhound bus passes and just hop on a bus and ride it to wherever it would take her. Sometimes that meant that she would arrive in town at midnight and need somebody to come pick her up at the bus station - which, of course is usually not in a particularly good part of town, and for a 16 year old driving in downtown Phoenix for the first time, it's kind of scary. I understand the desire to see the country and visit new sights, but Grandma has been legally blind for a long time and therefore unable to see the country or the sights, but I guess that means she doesn't see the scary stuff in and around the bus stations either.

Well, one summer my family was heading up the California coast to Oregon. I can't remember if we were going all the way to Portland or just Yachats, but it was a long road trip from Arizona. Well, after being on the road for a while - it was now dark, we came upon a greyhound bus. My dad jokingly said, "I wonder if Esther is on that bus, I think she is headed back to Oregon." And all of us kids started laughing and wondering if that would be possible and as we passed the bus we all pressed our faces to the window to see if we could spot her. And sure enough, sitting right next to the window with her big dark glasses was Esther. Sitting, smiling and just looking out the window. We watched her for a while, knowing that she couldn't see us. She looked happy. So, Dad just sped up and we left the bus behind.

So now, everytime I pass a greyhound bus, I try to take a peek at the passengers because you never know if Esther might be there.

The Nomad

We went on our usual trip to Missouri one year. While we were there, Lee asked us if we'd like to take the travel trailer they had kept parked under a tree for years. He decided he wanted it out of there, to get rid of it. Well the previous winter a tree limb had come down on the roof of the thing, poking holes in the roof. After that it was a whole winter and spring of snow and rain leaking inside of it. Jerry, being his usual helpful self, agreed to take it.

First we had to empty it of all of the treasures they were storing inside of it. It was stuffed to the top with all kinds of things, from old large crocks that were valuable to little pencils and things that should have been thrown away years before. We all carefully took all the stuff out and put it in a place where Esther told us to put it. Lee kept saying, "If you see anything you want, take it." If we did see anything that we wanted and set it aside, within minutes Esther would pick it up and stick it back in her pile and say, "I believe you don't want that." It took a long time to empty it and we hitched it to the van and drove all the way back home with it.

Once we got it home, the real work began. In every cupboard and drawer (and there were many) they had stashed every paper or styrofoam cup or bowl or plate they had ever used. Most were from fast food places. There were also straws and napkins. The only things that hadn't been used and washed were the napkins, they were just the extras they took in case they needed them.

Once we got those out I spent a lot of time and elbow grease scrubbing every inch of it making it clean and nice. I recovered the seats for the table. Jerry repaired the roof and made sure it didn't leak any more. We cleaned the outside. It looked pretty nice by then, for what it was. The only job left to do was repair the rotting floor supports. When you stepped on the floor it was spongy.

Jerry was in no hurry to do that one, since it was costly and time-consuming. Well, Lee and Esther came for a visit later and Lee decided to go inside the trailer to see how it was. He stepped inside and walked a ways and came back out and said, "Jerry, you let that floor go all to hell!"

Five-Finger Discount

I can't help myself, I've been thinking about this one today for some reason. There have been many occasions where we realize that Esther has helped herself to something, and been very sneaky if not downright dishonest. There was recently an occasion when Jerry was with her at the dollar store and realized she had taken something. He gave her talking to about it. We once took Esther with us to Rexburg, Idaho to visit Brandon and Traci. Several months later, when we next saw them, Traci told me that when we visited Esther kept commenting about her little cutting board. She kept talking about it, how it was the "perfect size", "justs fits in your hand so perfectly", and things like that. She couldn't find it after we left. No proof, but it did disappear in the very small place they were living in while at school in Rexburg.

When we visited my sister in Colorado Springs, Esther came to breakfast one morning with a very glittery face. It seems she decided to go poking around in everyone's dresser drawers while we were all upstairs and she got into some glitter lotion that belonged to one of my nieces. The proof was all over her face--she was shining. Jerry said, "Mom, you are looking very glittery this morning." She had no idea what he was talking about but she smiled and thanked him anyway. We all had a good chuckle, even my sister, but later she let me know that I didn't need to bring Esther the next time I came to visit. ( It is freaky to think of some old lady poking through you stuff.)

The Blind Leading The Blind

One summer, we were visiting Missouri, where Jerry's folks lived most of the time when they weren't somewhere else. They are both from southwest Missouri, near Springfield and the Swertfeger family farm is there. We would load up the kids every other year and drive them across country to see my family in Illinois and Jerry's in Missouri. We'd been there many times, and Jerry knew his way to all his relatives homes because he had visited them his entire life.
On this visit particular visit, we had his parents loaded into the van and were driving out to his Uncle Albert's home on Table Rock Lake in Eagle Rock. Lee, who was so blind he could not drive anymore or see much of anything was telling Jerry where to go and how to turn, Esther was also helping Jerry find his way. We were on the dirt roads leading up to Albert's home area and Lee had been saying, "Turn left." So as we approach the turn Esther says, "Turn left." Jerry does it obediently knowing that it is the wrong way, figuring that it was the only way to let them see they were wrong and take care of the situation. Immediately after it was realized we were going the wrong way Lee asks in a loud, condescending voice, "You turned left!?".

Thick Paint

I really had a lot to learn about my in-laws. They loved to show up unnanounced for a visit. Even though they lived far away, they travelled long distances whenever they could find some "business" to do.

One June day they showed up in the early afternoon just as I had put Heidi and Brandon down for a nap and was painting the living room. We had been in the house a short amount of time and the medium green walls were dirty from the former occupants smoking in the house. I had scrubbed them and realized I would need to paint. Where there had been pictures hung on the walls, there were brown squares that would not come off. The paint was poured into the roller pan, and I had already based in the entire room. They arrived and said, "We won't be a bother, just keep doing what you're doing." They then did their usual thing of taking over. They liked to be in charge, especially Lee. I went to check on one of the kids and when I came back Lee said, "Paula, that paint was too thick. I thinned it for you." He had poured a bunch of water into the can and into the roller pan. It was like soup now. I painted with it, respectfully not complaining. The first coat looked like thin whitewash. You could see right through it, and you could see the roller marks all over it. Second coat, third coat, fourth coat. Still not all covered and looking like the antique white I was painting it. The fifth coat did it. It took about 3 days to get it painted and he would come in and look at the progress and never once thought he had done anything wrong or that had caused a problem. I bore it patiently, but decided to never again let that happen.

Since the painting had gone on so long while they were there, Esther was not liking the smell of paint. She said, "If you want to get rid of a smell in your house this is what you do. Just fry up a little bacon and it will make it all better." Paint and bacon, yum.

Mexican Baby

When Jerry and I were first married, I had no idea what his parents were like. I'd met them once and they did not come to our wedding or reception. They also lived in California. Jerry and I wanted children right away so it did not take long before I was expecting our first baby. Esther and Lee came for a visit and when Jerry was at work Esther talked to me about something she'd like me to do for them. They were having some problems with a piece of property and some money that they had in Mexico. It would be so great for them if I would go to Mexico to have the baby. Then the baby would be a Mexican citizen as well as a US citizen. Then they could deed the property to the baby and put the money in the baby's name and then they would be able to get their money back. Esther said they were willing to pay for everything if I would just go to Mexico to have my baby. I didn't know what to say. I said I'd talk it over with Jerry. When he came home and I had a chance to talk to him I know my eyes were as big a saucers when I told him what his parents wanted. He just said, "No, you are not doing that." I was glad because I didn't want to go to Mexico to have the baby. It was my first and I did not know what would happen, or if I could even deliver a baby without complications. So, if Esther and Lee had gotten their way, Brandon would be part Mexican.

The Mansion

At some point in Marionville, Missouri a man decided he was going to build a house out of concrete. He used one solid slab cantilever on top of concrete walls creating a raised house with a cool basement. His intention was to build the house on top of the solid slab. For one reason or another the construction halted after the concrete was poured and the house was never finished.

This didn't stop Lee and Esther from buying the property seeing as it was just down the road from the family farm. So there it sat, virtually a concrete box sitting on the property so they couldn't resist but to fill it up with junk.

The amusing part of all of this is that they termed the property "The Mansion" because that was what the man wanted to build. Only a visual of the property would help make this funnier.